There are a lot of scary things that come with getting older, like heart disease and dying alone and wrinkles, but something that happens to most humans who enjoy the privilege of aging is that you really stop giving a fuck about so many things. Like today: I walked home in black pants, a denim button-down, my pink hair in a bun, and bright orange gym shoes. Like, IDGAF. I looked like everything I never wanted to look like when I was 22. But it’s 100 degrees outside and ain’t nobody got time for caring about shit.
Here are some things you youths can look forward to not caring about as you get older:
- Fashion: You either get it or you don’t. If you don’t care by now, you’re never gonna care. The only thing that happens is you get older, start making more money, and buy nicer things. That automatically makes you look better.
- Herpes: Again, you either get ‘em or you don’t. I feel blessed that they’ve never shown up on a blood test of mine, but listen, who can say they never will? People go blind or get stage 4 lung cancer every day on this earth. Herpes can’t be that bad.
- Being cool: The window is closed, my friends. It’s only teens and young 20-somethings trying to convince their peers they’re better than them. When you’re doing it beyond that point, everyone else is laughing at you, dummy.
- What other people are doing: I went to high school with people who’ve ended up in squalor, people who are making close to millions, and everyone in between. Congratulations to all sets of people, but if you’re not a friend or acquaintance, IDGAF. I’ll continue waking up in my life with the people whom I’ve selected to surround myself with, wishing everyone else nothing but hella good tidings.
- Being right: Who cares. Find me one person more annoying at a party than a Nancy Know It All. Relax, bro. You can win this argument about Alaska’s population. I hope you journal about it.
- Religion: It’s all fake anyway and those Jesus wafers are not really his body. My Hindu friend took Communion once and she’s still alive. Read some science books.
- Farting: Everyone farts. It’s kind of embarrassing if it smells really bad, but what are you gonna do? Hold it in? Comfort is key.
