Anonymous asked: do you reckon it's ever a good idea to get back with someone who's cheated on you?
My friend’s mom once delivered this gem to her in her formative years: “All men are assholes, you just have to decide what level of asshole you’re willing to put up with.” I know that’s a sweeping over-generalization, but the gist of the argument is valid — no matter what, whoever you’re dating is going to do things that bother you. Everyone draws the line at different places. For some people, it’s cheating. For others, it’s not.
From my experience, the common denominator running through most relationships with people who’ve cheated on you and the cheatee’s willingness to stay in the relationship is that the cheatee feels that staying in that relationship is not only something they feel they deserve, but it’s also “better than nothing.”
My first boyfriend in college cheated on me and was cheating on me consistently with his girlfriend back home. (There’s also the time I dated a guy who got married while we were dating… Different post.) I was totally devastated and when we both got back to school, I continued to sleep with him for months. It’s true that I had no self-esteem, but he was also the first boy to show me any kind of affection or prolonged attention, and I just couldn’t let it go. But in the back of my mind, I’d always hear my dad saying, “We didn’t raise you like this.” I felt guilty for not having a more developed sense of self-worth as my parents sacrificed a lot to put my brother and I through schools in top-notch districts and eventually help send us to college. I also had great role models growing up, so every part of me knew that I should be listening to my instincts and GTFO, but I couldn’t.
It was probably attention from another boy that made me eventually ditch that dude, but I don’t really remember how it fell apart. But the thing that bothered me the most about the entire situation was how big of an utter fool I felt like.
I’ve never met one person that’s okay with feeling like an idiot. From my experience, there’s really nothing that can make you feel like a bigger idiot that the person you’ve declared your love to cheating on you. There you were, pining away for this person during English 161 while he was fingering Julia at that fucking swimmer party (OR WHATEVER). Total fool status.
I don’t really think about this situation much anymore as I was 19 and we were young and who cares. I don’t talk to that dude anymore and I really do not care about him or his life. Not out of spite or anger, I just genuinely feel very -_- about it.
In short, no, I don’t think it’s a good idea to get back with someone who cheats on you. The person you’re with shouldn’t make you feel like an idiot, bottom line. I’ve observed a ton of cases, among my girlfriends alone, where women surround themselves with guys who make them feel dumb or exhibit behavior that brings them down on a consistent basis. It doesn’t have to be cheating. It could be put downs, over-the-top criticism… the list is longer than the internet is big. It could just be them constantly remarking about your desire to listen to The Mix 101.9 in Chicago and “how can you listen to this fucking banal shit, Jesus Christ.” Welp, I can listen to in peace if you get out my car and walk your ass to your fucking mom’s house, ——.
Don’t let people make you feel dumb. If someone makes you feel dumb, trim the fat and GTFO.
