That White Bitch

Tuesday January 03, 2012 at 20:39

107 notes

I took a flight back to New York from Chicago at 6pm tonight out of O’Hare. I had a middle seat between a guy in his early 20s and a 30-ish woman. Things were status quo as we boarded and began to take off until about two minutes into ascending when there was a series of several loud THUDS. Everyone immediately looked at each other. I put my book down instantly. We began to coast, we were no longer ascending.

I started to breathe deeper and deeper. I was getting hot, my heart was racing. No one could tell if the noises we heard were normal but from the look on everyone’s face on the plane, no one had ever heard those noises before. The woman next to me grew more and more uncomfortable. We were bobbing in the air. We’d ascend a few feet and then drop back down several more feet. Back and forth. The pressure in the cabin was coming in and out.

It felt like hours before the pilot came over the loud speaker and very stoically said, “We seem to have experienced right engine failure. Prepare for landing. We should be on the ground in five minutes.” The look on every single person’s face: O_O

The woman next to me said, “What’s your name?” as I grew visibly terrified. I told her and she told me her name. (I later found out she was a elementary school teacher. Homegirl was calm as a muth in a crisis.) The guy next to me let out a simple “Shit.” We continued to bob in the air as people began to cry. Everyone just looked out the window.

Bros, five minutes is a long-ass time to think about dying. [I’m not trying to blow this thing out of proportion, but like, a) my friend who’s worked at Luftansa and United and has scale models of airplanes in his apartment (he’s a little obsessed) replied “pretty fucking major” when I asked him how serious “right engine failure” is and b) check that pic.] I went back and forth from “This isn’t that big of a deal” to “HOLY FUCKING SHIT I MIGHT DIE” for five minutes. I thought about the following things:

“NOOOOOOOOO! NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!”
“My vagina’s not shaved!”
“FUUUUUCK THIS, I WAS SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN!!!!”
“This is very bogus.”
“I wonder what it’s going to be like when we’re all trying to escape from our fiery deaths.”
“How many people will be at my funeral?”
“Shouldn’t have worn these God damn Jeffrey Campbells, I probably have to run soon.”
“THIS IS BULLSHIT, I’M SUPPOSED TO MEET MY HUSBAND SOON!!!!!”
“I’LL MISS LIVING!!!!!!!!”
“This is a little heavy-handed, 2012. Have some taste.”

We landed (obviously, I’m typing this) and there were fire trucks and cop cars lined up down the entire runway. Everyone on board immediately became friends with one another. They told us they had another plane for us. (Great, another flight! Totally ready to board one immediately again!) We all schlepped our stuff down to the next gate and got on the phone with our loved ones. I talked to a family who was seated across from the flight attendant. (They’re the ones who took this picture.) They watched this front part of the engine hang by a thread, occassionally whipping back and slapping the fan inside the engine. The mom of the family said when we heard the series of THUDS, the flight attendant tighted up her seat belt and closed her eyes. Their teenage daughter said the attendant mouthed “We’re going down” after the pilot made the announcement.

Anyway, that’s how my 2012 started. If it’s any indication of the rest of the year, I’mma be playing da lotto because I’m lucky as fuck right now!