4yourhealth asked: how can i make myself not be super shy around a guy i like? im 19 years old and i feel like whenever i'm around a cute boy i'm in middle school and he thinks i'm an idiot. i've only ever kissed two guys and it ended up weird. i feel like i'm behind in something but i don't know how to fix it
I’m sorry to be the bearer of possibly bad news but I’m pretty sure that feeling never goes away. The only way I know I even remotely like someone is if I feel like an ugly fat weirdo around them. Girls! All insane!
But here’s the thing: they probably don’t think you’re an ugly fat weirdo. When it comes down to it, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. It sucks, I get it. This is coming from the girl who — and I know this is shallow as fuck — wants to be everyone’s cup of tea. Who doesn’t want to be admired by everyone on the planet, right? A lot of times I find myself attracted to like, granola entrepreneur types who go hiking and wear toe shoes (but always have the best fucking hair) and the thing about those types is, from my observation, they’re always only looking for their exact female equivalent. And those bitches never wear makeup. Or asshole-looking investment bankers. Damn. As much as I’d like to notch one of those out, no home run so far. It’s like how many 5’10” brunette WASPs can you sleep with, bros?
This is step one — realizing that no, not everyone on earth wants to get with you. Because once you realize this, it becomes much easier as time goes on to accept this as fact and move on to your next target. Honestly, once you get older, you realize that if a guy you like doesn’t like you, it’s actually a good thing. You’re not on the same planes, okay? It becomes less about, “HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE I LET HIM SEE ME WITHOUT LIP GLOSS, I RUINED IT” and much more about, “Oh. He’s into XYZ. That’s cool, I’m ABC. We can still be civil adults and proceed accordingly.” And what I’m saying is even if someone might not think you’re their Princess Charming, they don’t think you’re an ugly fat weirdo. It’s never that serious!
The next thing you need to do is remember this: everyone is an insecure 4th grader at the core of their being. Everyone has those weak moments, those Achilles heels that make them very insecure. While it may seem like yours are SCREAMING out to this dude, it’s just because you like him and care about what he thinks. If he likes you, he’s thinking the same thing. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are, dat’s the troof. And when you really like someone, you are at your most vulnerable. That’s how I received the nickname “Ice Queen.” Because that shit is for the birds. Got my mind on my money, okay. (JK, I’d like a big spoon someday soon. U_U)
This is kind of all over the place but take these lessons away:
- If you like someone who doesn’t like you, move on. Do not convince yourself that it is something you did or said or wore. I feel like this is many 19-year-old girls’ biggest downfall. One day, when I write my memoirs, I will go into detail about the epic time I wasted with a couple different dudes who, when it got to the nitty gritty of it, just didn’t like me. Brush yourself off, on to the next one.
- No one is as cool as you think they are. Angelina Jolie gets diarrhea, okay. Ryan Gosling has to go to the dentist. Everyone was once a 4th grader. Always remember that.
- Best lesson in life: Stop giving one iota of a shit. This is the hardest part about life. Not to be all “I spent a lot of time in college studying Eastern religions,” but I spent a lot of time in college studying Eastern religions. This place of Nirvana that the Buddhists talk about — the state of being free from suffering — I think they’re actually talking about the moment of truly, TRULY, not giving one fuck.
- Also, you are not behind. I didn’t kiss a guy until I was 19. You’re not on anyone’s timeline. Do whatever you want. There is no measuring stick. It feels like there is, and it will continue to feel like there is as you see your friends get married and have kids and move and change and grow. You’re doing the same thing, but you’re on your own path.
Try to be fearless, sister. Try to say how you feel. The worst that could happen is he’s not into it and then you go to bed and wake up and it’s a new day. You’re VERY YOUNG. Life gets really cool soon, I swear. Do what you want, surround yourself with people who respect you, and fuck everything else on earth.
