February 2012
29 posts
“Made a hilarious Valentine’s joke on Facebook.”
– February 14, 2012 entry in my 5 Year Diary
Kanye West | Family Business
Also, let’s...
“I’ve alienated every straight guy in Chicago I could ask to go to this...”
– Yours truly
RE: the female psyche
Me (wearing sheer black nylons): Can you tell my legs aren’t shaved?
Roommate: No. And watch, tonight’s the night you go home with someone. Wait. I just jinxed it. Sorry. I take it back.
I’m on my way home drunk in a cab and this is old news but yo, my pal at my job told me that when my dept was going to hire me they were like “we just wanna make sure she’s not a psycho, is there anything else you can tell us about her” and he was like “lemme just call the guy I know who dated her to make sure” so my pal called my college exboyfriend and my...
My bro: There's a juggalo in my science class.
Me: Wait, but is he serious?
My bro: The back of his shirt says "We'z goin' chicken huntin'." He's a vocal performance major and he thinks Adele sucks.
Me: Just said "oh no" out loud.
Listen
Ted: this is good [link to Brandon Flowers video]
Nicole: HE IS SO FUCKING HOT
Ted: yes
Nicole: u know he's mormon?
Ted: I KNOW!
Ted: he has holy underwear
Nicole: i want to sit on his face
“Every man who likes jazz is psychotic.”
– Thinking about releasing a book full of one-sentence advice…
One quirk/mental problem about me is that I saw a psychic on Michigan Avenue in Chicago in 2006 and she told me a lot of things. Many of them have come true. One thing she told me specifically that I like to act like I forgot but really I think about all the time is that my “soulmate” (her words, not mine) will have something to do with the letter “D.” It was something...
Here are some comments that were left on...
“Hi Nikki, haven’t g-mailed you since last year, the radio told me there is...”
– verbatim email from my uncle
The girl I remember most from junior high for the open faced period underwear I found in her room married a major hunk. Life is beautiful.
— Nicole James (@thatwhitebitch) February 10, 2012
I don’t feel that this tweet got the respect it deserves when I posted it at 1:30am last night. Re-posting here for recognition.
1 tag
I mean, saw this in real time when this show aired but this is the first time seeing this GIF and DEAD.
DIED.
I DIE.
I DIED.
I’M DEAD
Two points I'm going to make regarding stories I...
1. Okay, this girl in Alaska is missing. Not trying to be insensitive, I hope the family finds her and that she’s okay, in good health and not too traumatized by what may or may not have happened. But this is where she worked:
In a coffee shack. Pretty sure a job requirement to working in a rural Alaskan coffee shack is going missing. O_O Hope you’re okay, girl. :(
2. They did a...
MTV Buzzworthy is looking for a P.A. →
It’s permalance, so that kinda blows, but it’s ~a foot in the door.~ Plus, I can boss you around! NO CREEPS OR DUMMIES. NYC only. Email me if you are qualified and interested and/or know someone who is. We need help!
Anonymous asked: Any advice for someone looking to write as a career? I majored in something completely different and after I graduated I fell out of love with what I was doing. I've only had a few (non-paid) gigs so I don't even know where to start looking. Any resources you recommend? Are there any you feel are a waste of time? Any help would be much appreciated.
Anonymous asked: Hey Nicole, I need some advice. My ex and I had an on/off again relationship for about 9 months (it took me that long to realize he didnt really know what he wanted and was a pretty selfish person in general). Then it took me another 4 months to get myself together and feel happy again. Now all of a sudden he's been calling me. I finally called back but now we're in a game of phone tag....