June 2011
57 posts
RE: New Chapters
Me: tonight is my actual last LAST night with my pals so i’m sure i’ll be sad Chuck: oh good, just think happy thoughts they will visit and so will you Me: i know but it’s still like…a new chapter, you know Chuck: yea but hopefully a big long juicy chapter Me: a girthy chapter
WatchHere’s a video of my packing progress.
8========================D →
The man in the photos I post from time to time is named David Gandy and he’s a model from the UK and I feel like I’m doing you a grave disservice if you enjoy this man’s face and bod and I don’t tell you that there are like, tons of pics of him after this link and I’m touching myself.
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pauseformusic:
Dog Days Are Over - Florence and...
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WatchKinda wanna be Katy Perry, is that okay???????
Anonymous asked: So I'm a more quiet, introverted person, and I just got a summer job. I usually work with this other girl who is also rather quiet, but she's beautiful and quietly flirty with our male supervisors and coworkers. Whenever I'm at work, the guys always tease her and single her out and pay much less attention to me. I don't want to bang any of these guys, but I'm sick of...
Hi, my name is Nicole and I love bros.
Hi, Nicole.
Listen
Anonymous asked: are you nervous about moving to new york?
WatchI wanna thank all of the internet weirdos that emailed me — Lou has found a home! He is leaving tomorrow and tonight is our last night together. So clearly he’s in the other room looking out the window. Rude. :( :( :( So no more cat vids! You’re welcome. Sorry.
He made me feel like a natural woman. :’ )
I seriously just noticed the beauty of mens’ physiques like three years ago. I spent all of my sexin’ years up until then dating/chasing/drunkenly making out with these kinds of ‘04 MySpace-ers:
But then I started getting with dudes that have like, muscles. And I just want to let all the girls out there who read this and have hipster boyfriends that only like missionary sex...
New Pick-Up Line
You bust into a crowd or gathering or loud bar or where ever you so choose to socialize and you walk in there like you’re in a rush and you throw both hands up in kinda like a “Huh?” motion mixed with a “Thiiiiiis big” gesture and say very loudly “WHERE THE HOTTIES AT.”
Ted did it yesterday and a cute guy raised his hand!!!!!!! Can you even believe...
WatchTed impersonating Ariel (the mermaid).
Me: The movers told me the expedite fee was $XXX. Is there leeway with that or can you not negotiate with movers?
Mom: Well, you know, just ask 'em that out right: "I have a small portion of your truck, what are my opportunities for a discount, blah blah blah." Some bullshit like that. Schmooze 'em...send 'em your picture first!
Me: B-)
That one time this morning when the dry cleaner...
Dry cleaner: [examining my black blazer] Is this…pet hair? Me: Ha! Yes. (e_e) Dry cleaner: We can’t take. Too much pet hair. Me: What! That’s why I brought it here…to clean it. Dry cleaner: No. Mixes with other people clothe. Too much. Me:
I forgot to talk about this thing that happened yesterday.
Ted and I went to get lunch at the food court in the Merchandise Mart and it was packed because the interiors trade show NeoCon is in town. Every Tom, Dick, and Fuckface is here from all over the country clogging up the escalators and putzin’ around like tourists while the locals are just trying to survive another day in this...
So I wrote a post for Buzzworthy about Christina Aguilera resembling Lady Gaga on the cover of W magazine because that is my job. I would like to share with you some of the @ replies I’ve been receiving on Twitter after the post published:
“@thatwhitebitch dumbass bitch, u don’t mess with Xtina, Whom did you FUCKED to write on #MTV ??? ho!!”
“This bitch...
Anonymous asked: So where are you going to be living in NYC?
Okay so last night I went out with a girlfriend and I met this nice cute fella in medical sales that ditched me later in the night because I think he was wasted. B-) He had a male friend with him who, medically, was obese.
So this obese man had a shaved head and due to this hairstyle you could see clearly defined rolls of fat on the back of his head which are a product of his medical condition....
Five Things They Lie To You About In High School →
Guys, come on. No one on the internet can take a joke. I was kidding about the “pulling out” part. Well, like 20/80 and only with boyfriends but I’m still mostly kidding!!!!!
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“I deserve an award for being the most chilled-out version of myself ever.”
– My girl Megan speaking the TRUTH
I was getting coffee this morning and paying the cashier and the man waiting for his coffee next to me said, “Those are really nice pants, by the way.”
Me: “My pants??”
Him: “Yes.”
Me: “Oh. Thanks?” [Put my headphones back in]
My pants:
What kind of pick-up line is this? “Nice pants?” Nice pants? They’re not even nice....
Hot From The Back →
People who look hot from the back. Submit your pix.
I was pretty much JK about this. But hey, why not?
Anonymous asked: I'm trying to think of a less creepy way to ask some of these questions, but I can't.
As a published dick pic authority, do guys send pics of themselves erect, flacid, or in between? Is there any kind of consistency? I'd bet money that most go with the flag at half mast, although Congressman Weiner's caged monkey shot really threw me off.
Are...
As a published dick pic authority, do guys send pics of themselves erect, flacid, or in between? Is there any kind of consistency? I'd bet money that most go with the flag at half mast, although Congressman Weiner's caged monkey shot really threw me off.
Are...
Anonymous asked: Has anyone ever told you you look a little like Eva Amurri?
Mac Miller | Good Evening
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citizenwasp asked: What's your fave blush? I am a pale, red-haired gal like yourself. I bought Orgasm by Nars at Sephora because I'd heard it was the greatest for all skin tones but it's too bronzy on me. Any tipz?
Anonymous asked: I've always wanted to know and I hope you'll tell - as your brazilian grows out, is it itchier than a mother fuck?