May 2011
36 posts
mtv.tumblr.com →
“I’m looking for a female roommate who will occasionally not wear clothes...”
– Craigslist
Looking for apartments in NYC, always a moment away from personifying a Lifetime Original Movie.
Watchhere’s some advice
Listen
Attn Chicago Apartment Dwellers or Wannabe Chicago...
I’m looking to sublease my apt starting July 1. Rent is $895. Seriously a great deal for the neighborhood. Blocks from the lake, y’all!
I will have pix as soon as I’m back from vacay. Please reblog if you’re from Chicago or you like me. Thank you!
Interested parties can email me at nicolerjames@gmail.com.
“Many things to celebrate in Hawaii now…cancer treatment over, [your brother] so...”
– Mom
The past few months have been pretty wild re: my life. My mom and bro had some heath issues (A-okay now!), my dad apparently gained a Bejeweled addiction (e__e), and I GOT A NEW JOB AND AM MOVING TO NEW YORK! B-) (We also leave for a family vacation to Hawaii tomorrow. #whitebitch)
I’m...
“You know those weeks when you’ve just GOT to find the nearest animal...”
– Jim
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My First Brazlian Wax
My friend and fellow Taurus told me to go to her girl at her salon for my first Brazilian bikini wax. The price was right and I trust my friend so I scheduled it about a month ago and have since just let my pubes flow in the wind in preparation.
I was five minutes late (obviously) and the bikini waxer was waiting for me in the lobby. The salon was very nice and soothing so I thought maybe I was...
My favorite Aretha Franklin song ever.
Free Tip For Humans
I’m trying not to be so judgmental and it can get real trying, folks. Like, all I wanna do is keep the convo in my head going: “What is that outfit?” “WTF that bro is way to cute for her.” “Man, does that lady know what’s happening on her face right now?”
So rude. I’m trying to rise above this behavior. Nowadays instead of these insults I try...
Free Tip For College Students
Fill one of your electives with a poetry class. Seriously! It’s the biggest load of bullshit on Earth. I was reminiscing about my (Advanced, LOL) poetry class and this one girl, who never shaved her armpits and always stunk up the entire elliptical section at the gym, wrote “interactive” poems. Like, when we were workshopping, there would be bracketed sections of her poems that...
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RE: The sunglasses emoticon as the best deferral...
Alan: she was like “I’ve only been responding noncommittally to every 4th text” and I was like “let me tell you The Secret: uppercase b, dash, close parenthesis” all your problems = solved
> Subject: Wedding ring is in for repairs > > Like the Bible says, “There is none so blind as those who refuse to see.” > > Wedding ring is in for repairs - Another piece falls into place. > In a press conference last week Obama was not wearing his wedding ring nor > was he wearing his watch when noticed, his staff said his ring was out for...
Ted: But could you imagine living in Hawaii? Me: Um, yes. Ted: But you’d get bored. They don’t have a Six Flags.
“To be honest, I’m surprised that only two of your friends have drawn...”
– My cousin wishin’ me the ol’ Facebook Happy Birthday (It’s today!) B-)
What Would You Do? is a show on ABC that basically explores the depths of human evil. They hire an actor or group of actors and put them up to no good (I mean, subjectively!!) and then they set up hidden cameras to see what normal, everyday citizens would do about these (subjective!!) wrongdoings.
I’ve seen several episodes — one where a black guy tries to steal a bike versus a...
Howard Stern: If [Kat Von D] cheated on you, you’d be devastated. You’d understand the hurt that Sandra [Bullock] went through. Jesse James: If she cheated on me, I would forgive her and still love her.
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“I prefer ‘Robert’ or ‘Bob’ or even...”
– My dad (named ‘Bob’), on Mariah Carey’s baby names
“I’ma Rip Van Winkle that bitch.”
– Me, alone in my one-bedroom apartment, aloud to no one re: my bed this evening
Alan: you know what’s funny I bet Osama Bin Laden’s hard drive is the first hard drive the FBI’s looked at in 20 years without any porn on it me: why don’t u think there’s porn? Alan: because he doesn’t seem like the type if he looked at porn the twin towers would still be around
No one gives a flying fuck about what I think about the Osama situation but I write for a living (albeit about Justin Bieber), so I do take a special interest in rhetoric. Rhetoric is, put simply, the way in which we communicate; the style of our modes of communication. And today? Damn. Some alarming-ass rhetoric up in my internet.
Many people on my Facebook newsfeed displayed themselves in a...
penelopee asked: http://yeahiwasintheshit.tumblr.com/photo/1280/5117029370/1/tumblr_lkfa53iq3A1qds8fo
How NOT to Pick Up A Woman in 3 Easy Steps...
popthatculture:
1. Throw* your wallet at her so she can take notice of your Harvard ID.
2. Tell her that you may or may not have a Staph Infection.
3. Explain how you broke your tailbone. Especially if it was by banging a hot Brazilian chick in a hammock. Don’t forget to mention you had a fiance when this happened.
Me and Mon are batting 1,000 in the “Meeting cool bros” game.
...
Monica: i want to be a nerd Me: not me and i don’t think you do either nerds don’t wear leather EVER
Chris Brown feat. Busta Rhymes & Lil Wayne |...