May 2011
36 posts
Netflix has me down to a T.
Below is a list of Netflix’s “Top Picks For Nicole.”
“The Weather Underground” - A sobering documentary about the 1960s freedom fighters of the Weather Underground.
“The Corporation” - A fascinating documentary about the American corporation, its economic supremacy, and its psychopathic leanings.
“The Trials Of Henry Kissinger” - A riveting...
April 2011
87 posts
RE: The Royal Wedding
Me: as a little girl you’ll never believe me but i could give two fucks about princesses never wanted to be one Alan: duh you wanted to be in LL Cool J videos
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WatchNot being dramatic, I think Prince Harry is literally one of the hottest men I’ve ever laid eyes on in my entire life. I would LOSE IT if I came across this bro in a bar. I know it’s fucked up cuz he has red hair and I probably just wanna fuck myself but daaaayummmmm. Can they just show this for seven hours tomorrow instead?
Ah, yes, exactly the bedroom set I was looking... →
On Juxtapositions →
sweatshorts:
I sat behind two females in one of my classes this semester.
Last week, one spent the entire class looking at wedding dresses. (She’s not engaged. I know this because law school is like middle school, and everyone knows everything about everyone else. Well, that and her incessant Facebook…
The bottom of all my dad’s work emails say “Please consider the environment before printing this email” in really polite italics, but not because he wants it there but because his company makes him put it there. I read it for the millionth time today and got excited about adding “Please consider my dick before sucking it” in really polite italics to my email signature...
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Kanye West feat. Beyonce, Big Sean & Charlie...
“Everyone with a brain should wish for a butler.”
– My dear friend Monica
Anonymous asked: How do you know she was Puerto Rican?
I’m watching a bunch of YouTube videos right now (IDK) and I stumbled upon Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” (srsly IDK) and first of all this video is very violent wtf and second, it reminded me that I’ve been asked on more than one ocassion if it was me who keyed a few cars in question. I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!! I was not raised like that!!! WTF!!!!!!!
I feel like I...
“Does there exist a cooler couple than Jay-Z and Beyonce? Honestly? Sure, Maury...”
– I can’t believe all the people I’ve tricked into paying me to write.
Whooooo, boy, do I have a story for you [single ladies].
I met a couple GFs out tonight, but was very tame because I have a very important deadline this weekend. By very tame I mean 1 Ketel/water and 1 Chimay over the course of 3.5 hours. I was not and am not drunk.
My two GFs and I ended up at Rainbo, which I used to love when I was 23 but hate very much now that I am almost 28. One of my...
Mable John | Take Me
WatchMy mom taught me to do this after any time something is expensive.
Me: [whispering] That guy’s cute. Ted: Yeah, he was. Do you think people do that about us? Me: Yes. Ted: Ha! Me: No, I don’t even mean it like that, I’m just saying I’m sure throughout the course of our lives, someone has whispered to their friend about us. Ted: But I wanna hear it.
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How to make a frozen pizza
worldsworst:
1. BUY ONE!!! 2. Open that thing up - throw out box 3. Turn oven on “To what temp?!” I dunno, we already threw out box 4. Throw that thingy in there 5. “Wait what time did we put that thingy in there?” who cares, now we wait 6. LOST TRACK OF TIME!! 7. Time to eat!!!
Perfection every time!
Anonymous asked: Where did you get your swim bottoms? They're adorable!
Have you ever seen a more #2K11 exchange before in...
Ian: help me think of funny things to say to get her to hang out with me you’re good at this me: i don’t really know how to hit on women but lemme look at her twitter
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Anonymous asked: You are gorgeous and have beautiful skin! Can I ask what skincare products you use?
sporter431 asked: this is a sexual question , would you ever have sex with a woman.
Anonymous asked: what is your workout routine like?
Anonymous asked: What sex advice can you give to a young couple that just isn't getting it on as often as they used to? How can we get the spark back?
bluegrassluke asked: the same niggas that tried to black ball me forgot about two things: my black balls.
6 tags
"Just In Case"
[Redacted]: ..i knew i didnt have chemistry w/him day 1 but i continued on just in case #woman Me: WELCOME TO EARTH
“Nick: Just make sure you don’t bring any loser(s) you met in a bar the night...”
– My uncle’s email to me, re: Easter
Anonymous asked: I got it. You look like the Anastasia cartoon. That's a compliment. She popped up on my dash and I was like "White bitch".
“Now every girl is expected to have:
- Caucasian blue eyes
- full Spanish lips...”
– Tina Fey, Bossypants
I had some wild hair going on last night.
Guy: You look like Ronald McDonald. Me: You’re good at pick-up lines.
RE: Tina Fey & Being Funny
I think any woman who has ever contemplated the delicate balance between weird/funny and cute/sexy has felt really frustrated at one time or another. I’ve been thinking about this uncomfortable line to toe for quite some time and I still have no answer or satisfactory conclusion, so be forewarned: the following is an unfocused rant.
After I listened to Tina Fey’s interview on NPR, I...
