: Archive

April 2011

87 posts

Just waiting for my friend, trying to keep a straight face.

March 2011

87 posts

I was walking to the train this morning admiring the lovely 40 degree weather (JK I wanna kill myself) and I saw a Sysco truck which reminded me of the company Cisco which reminded me that one time senior year of high school in Economics or something my “hip” teacher who most people liked was going around the room casually asking everyone what they were going to college for and what...

List of professions I've been told not to date:

Architects - insane egomaniacs Bros in comedy - they’re actually really sad people Chefs - insane egomaniacs, never home Doctors - never home Farmers - gay Finance men - cheaters Guys without jobs - self-explanatory Lawyers - duhhhhhh NBA players - duhhhhh Politicians - gay Writers - FUCK NO Yo, any statisticians wanna go bowling?

HOW TO PICK UP A GIRL ON TUMBLR →

“STEP 5: Start the Twitter flirt. Reply every now and then, and as days go by, get into the DMs. Girls LOVE DMs.”

“They’re fucking gross, man. Look, I love beautiful girls too. I think everyone...”

– Amy Poehler on American Apparel (via mollylambert)

Anonymous asked: I know Kimmy and she is a two-faced makes-out-with-strangers cunt. Great observational skills, TWB.

Anonymous asked: Top ten white trash girl's names? A few to get you started: Misti and Tiffany.

me: also my editor told me that all of my open letters to hot guys do really well on the blog, traffic-wise so like that’s my niche — exploiting men Monica: yea —-

Anonymous asked: Are you a natch redhead?

Fuck can we talk about VCU in the Final Four for a second!!!!!!!!! LOL JK that was so weird to type, what is a final 4?

Anonymous asked: I can never tell if you use "lol" ironically or genuinely.

u guys wanna see my biceps lol

ststevenenen asked: Scientifically, does pineapple belong on pizza?

“For a while it seemed like you’d bone anything with a trust fund, but...”

– A compliment from Alan. I think he read The Four Agreements or something. Not telling me I’m hideous every friggin day of the year lately. :’ )

Kim Kardashian just asked Facebook to name her new fragrance: Yes, I “liked” this one. Mine, obviously.

What's the opposite of the Bone-Zone, you ask?

theidiotking: Why, it’s the Platone-Zone, of course. You’re welcome.

Tony Lucca | Devil Town

“I’m used to about $350 for Vegas but now we’re like, going to war...”

– I am the worst person.

Anonymous asked: What does GD mean??!!

Anonymous asked: Tell us about your "first time".

Anonymous asked: As a young lady making her way through the world, you should know that a grown up HJ is (or should) be called an Old Fashioned. Much like the drink, a gentleman doesn't order one every night or at every bar, but he appreciates a bartender that knows how to mix one properly. At a minimum, a good recipe requires quality ingredients mixed together with plenty of enthusiasm.

“How was the Picture Quality of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: The...”

Kinda Serious Post About Being A Weirdo

So last night my three GFs and I are at this mainstream bar full of people our age and older. I was feeling real good because I was dressed like a teacher in a ponytail and sometimes you just feel good when you’re not even trying because you’re like, “My main focus tonight is coming home to pizza,” and it puts a general ease on the whole night. So I look like a teacher,...

It’s a full moon tonight and you know how weird people get when that happens. I’m singing to myself, “Gettin’ off the internet, goin’ out tonight!!!!!!!” Check my horoscope: “You will meet a romantic stranger from the internet.” i cannot control my destiny

“i thought at this age we were past like, “omg you can’t sleep with a boy when...”

– bgebs I <3 bgebs. I was just catching up on her blog and this struck a chord. A lot of people think women are nuts, which is true, but so many men have serious complexes re: expectations & sex. It also reminded me of the time that I gave a hot 20-year-old ex-Jehovah’s Witness a hand...

One day I will stop blogging about the Teenage...

ATTENTION CHICAGO WOMEN, I want to let you know I found some hot straight men congregated in one spot. They are at the LA Boxing Wrigleyville location. Most bitches are selfish and would not share this news, but I’m not most bitches. I can’t confirm they’re all straight, but I have a pretty good gaydar. (It’s a side effect of having 9,000+ gay BFs.) And I must tell you...