March 2011
87 posts
I think a lot of really talented writers spend too much time thinking about NOT writing for a publication because they don’t agree with 10% of what that publication is about. I’m not calling myself a really talented writer, but I’m saying that no matter what writing outlet you somehow convince to employ you in for exchange of real USD, there’s always going to be parts of it...
February 2011
97 posts
This song just casually came on at the worst bar...
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WatchI was running late again yesterday.
“All right. Here’s my position on the “Bratz” movie: I made it when I was in the...”
– A truth bomb being dropped from our interview with Chet Haze. (via redeyechicago)
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In a bar full of eligible professional men dressed in business casual, it was the two white hoodlums with face tattoos that asked the nice young lady sitting by herself completing a crossword puzzle (me!) if she wanted a drink during her lunch break.
Still got it.
Ernest IMs me this link to fbanners.com and he’s like, “I think we’re 2 years away from FB being played out. Myspace-era customizable shit? Game over.”
Seconds later:
TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE
drinkyourjuice asked: i'm still :') over that SONG. god bless.
Anonymous asked: I recently acquired a pair of pajama jeans as a gift. I have a great figure, they look decent and they hug my body well, but the thing is...they're fucking pajama jeans. Thoughts? Appropriate to go out in public in? Gym? Quick trip to CVS? Never? Could you spot them from a mile away?
Anonymous asked: Did the hottie from the parking lot documentary ever respond to your message?
Alan just told me that he once called a girl “Bathroom” to her face after she insulted him because she boned his friend in their other friend’s bathroom and that was the best comeback he could drunkenly think of.
Bathroom.
“Bathroom.”
There is no worse nickname.
BATHROOM.
Knight in shining armor, right here, folks.
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Gold Panda | You
2 tags
Anonymous asked: How many lady boners do women get a day. I typically get 8-10 erections a day, which can lead to embarrassing situations, such as having to flip my penis up so it is contained by my waistband, and covered by my shirt. Can get tricky if it's tucked in, but still do-able.
Anonymous asked: I get that eyebrows frame the face but tbh, as a rule, white people eyebrows are so gross and yucky and made up of tiny fine hairs - it is just gross and you are a white person and you are not an exception to this rule, I have to tell you. Sorry old lady.
Anonymous asked: What exactly is a lady boner?
I was chatting with this man this weekend and he kept pulling out his iPhone and I was like, “Oh cool, what kind of phone is that?”
Born this way.
Anonymous asked: Do you agree(?): pooping in your own home is 100x better than any other place, even in in those fancy-ass hotels and restaurants, and the occasional rich uncle-of-a-friend's house.
gooddecisionashley asked: I know this isn't a question, but just in case you want to reiterate the importance of eyebrows:
http://fuckyeahnoeyebrows.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahnoeyebrows.tumblr.com/
“Never seen The Shawshank Redemption. I should watch it. Or like maybe One Flew...”
– me on Netflix.com every single time
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The sad thing is that he knew instantly what photo...
me: am i wrong or did you do a “star spotting” once with Justin Bieber looking at a cheerleader’s ass at a bball game? Chris: i didn’t do that one specifically i did one of him going H.A.M. on a hot dog at a game me: damn i need the one of him lookin at the butt no prob i’ll find it
Anonymous asked: Were you always this pretty? But... no...seriously... As a 22 year old girl (woman?) I've found myself thinking that while I have some seriously low eye-brows and an unfortunate nose, I could potentially "grow into" my features. Your writing is too down to Earth to be something an effortlessly pretty girl wrote. So I'm basically asking: Am I an idiot? Am I superficial? Is there...
[Redacted 1]: most men, honestly, not to stereotype, but most men are either women or fucking babies or women babies [Redacted 2]: i dated a woman baby it was the worst i’m not kidding he’d cry more than me one time, on the floor at Chipotle in the men’s bathroom i had to ask my friend to get him out
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me: i told him about the article im writing on dick pix he got REALLL UNCOMFY Monica: so he’s conservative? me: that made me think so cuz here’s the thing - you either are a creep and send dick pix at the drop of a dime - you send them at the request of a girl/your gf and you are kinda nasty - you dont send em but you would maybe - you think they’re absolutely vile he thought...
RE: Current Events
me: like, how did a computer get in the running??? Alan: like, how did it get invited? are you seriously asking if someone accidentally sent a computer an invitation and it was like “Welp, gotta get down to the jeopardy studio now” me: yes! Alan: It’s like in 97 when the computer beat the chess champion me: why are these humans up against a computer????? what the fuck...
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Did I ever tell you guys about the time when I was driving my car around the city for a couple days and it was acting weird so I called my dad and I was like, “Dad, my car is acting weird, it’s like, pulling to the right, like severely pulling to the right and it keeps making this noise?” and my Dad’s like, “Well I don’t know, I’m not there, take it...
Lisa and I both had hot sex dreams last night.
Lisa: i had a dream i was making love to a man last night and he was wearing an ipod, listening to music and he kept saying things like “we need to get you on probiotics, you’re so bloated” Me: i actually had a dream i was making love last night too and the guy kept laughing at me
Shaving My Legs
tomyhusband:
I promise to go above the knee for your birthday.
Anonymous asked: Christina Aguilera's sausage arms. Thoughts?