October 2011
33 posts
I was on the subway this morning and I had to stand above a group of guy and girl teens sitting on the bench, which is basically my worst nightmare. I knew they were talking about me because teens don’t yet know how to talk about people in their vicinity without being painfully obvious. I like, started sweating and spent the next three stops thinking about how teens are the worst people...
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WatchThis is what a person in sugar skull Day Of The Dead makeup looks like lip syncing Beyonce’s “Love On Top.”
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“Hope I get to see the asshole from junior yr Spanish who teased me relentlessly...”
– The best tweet I’ve ever sent, also a true story.
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aldoushuxtable asked: How does a juice cleanse work? Aren't you hungry as hell? I'm really nervous to try one. Maybe it's a stereotype, but I don't want to have to spend the whole day Meeting the Browns, if you catch what I'm throwing.
I might have written about this already but my friend is on a flight from L.A. headed back to Chicago for our high school reunion (I’m going too e_________e) and this dude on the plane admired her shoes and told her she had “real cute feet.” Which reminded me of the time I was in a bar with two GFs and this man came up to me and whispered in my ear, “You have the most...
WatchCan’t stop!!!!!!!!!!!! “WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Over the years I’ve come to let up on some of my strict grammar ideals. Listen, this is the internet. It’s mostly run by 4chan and 14-year-old girls. So sure, I’ll comment on a friend’s Facebook photo, “OMGGGGG I LOVE THISSSSSSSSSSSSS” and put 17 extra Gs on “OMG,” not to mention the swift adoption of the phrase “OMG.” But one thing I...
Nicole [after hearing you must come in at 3 hours or less in the Chicago Marathon to qualify for the Boston Marathon]: i didn’t know the boston marathon was that hardcore Ted: Yeah that’s the big one all serious runners run. I remember in grade school a girl in my class dad ran it and they prayed for him in church. I was like WTF until like 2 years ago when I found out. Nicole: they...
Katy Perry | Hummingbird Heartbeat
As cool as I...
Florence + The Machine | Shake It Out
A lot of times I watch “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” via Netflix Instant before I retire for the evening but I make sure I don’t watch the ones about AIDS or incest or more than one instance of rape because I don’t want nightmares. This leaves the ones about trannies, serial killers, and suicide.
So I covered a Paramore concert for work recently and I sat contently on the second floor of Terminal 5 and watched out on the floor below me as a bunch of 18 year olds pushed each other around to the sound of the music. And I was thinking, “I do not miss those days at all.” Fucking standing at shows with all these people pushing you? Fuuuuckkkk that. I hated it. I loved going to shows...