September 2010
97 posts
In Which I Explore My Hatred For Dancing With The...
I switched from The Today Show to Good Morning America about a year and a half ago and I haven’t looked back. Besides wanting to bone Matt Lauer long and hard, everyone else on that show brought me nothing but grief. Watching Anne Curry repeatedly lube up her nose to shove up Angelina Jolie’s butthole got pretty tiresome and after they did a follow-up on that idiot Paul Karason who...
August 2010
101 posts
Phone asshole: Can I speak to [your boss]? Me: What is this regarding? Phone asshole: Office space that you guys might want to sublet. Me: We just signed a lease. He’s not interested. Phone asshole: It shows here that your lease is up this year. Me: NOPE, WE’RE HERE FOR TEN YEARS.
Sometimes I’m like, “Yeah, I work in an office, it’s cool” and other times...
stefaniepack asked: Hey. I'm 18 and spend at least an hour or two on the internet/tumblr/various other websites and since you're um old...er, I was wondering how the age group of like 13-30 used to spend their time?
“I don’t care what anyone says, I know that I’m a damn good actress.”
– Lindsay Lohan
I’m going on a ~date~ this week and this kid’s been texting me and I said let’s discuss the deets later in the week and he’s like, “Deets? If you say ‘totes,’ I’m rethinking this,” and I was like pssshhhhh, “I say all of that stupid shit.”
And it’s funny cuz I was thinking, “Do I send the word ‘deets?’ Do I...
The Way Things Are, Fiona Apple
I couldn’t...
1 tag
Ted and I decided we’re gonna develop a subdivision in some neighborhood and call all the streets different parts of genitalia. I will own a residence on Vas Deferens Parkway.
What to toast to with your friends next time you...
Not peaking in high school
meters-per-year asked: what do you do in the job of your dreams?
I just LOLed remembering this.
Wanna know how fucked up I am? Last night I had a dream that I bought Halloween decorations for my apartment, one of which included a pumpkin to hang on the door. It said “DON’T JUDGE” on it, like my subconcious wants to tell others to just let me buy holiday decorations and hang them up in my apartment where no one else lives free of prejudice.
LET HIGH SCHOOL GO. THEY...
Does anyone want to pay me to travel the world and...
Just watched glee for the first time
babyastronauts:
what is that show even? why is it a thing? no.
THANK YOU.
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I went to the opening of Burger Bar/Sono last night and chowed on some delish burgers (get the High Hog!!!) and Prosecco (2 classy 4 me). This dude was talking about how he just got back from New York to visit his sister.
“It’s amazing. It’s one of the only places on Park Avenue with a back yard.”
Ted: What does she do?!
Dude: Well she doesn’t do...
Alan told me why he was shaving off his mustache...
Alan: it's annoying as fuck
Nicole: they seem annoying. do they smell?
Alan: no
Nicole: oh. okay i'm going home. free burgers tonight. bye.
“I hope the dude you marry has a futon and a papasan.”
– Alan
Have you guys ever googled “scary shower curtain?”
These shower curtains should be for internet purposes only. At first you see it and it’s like, “Oh, that’s kinda clever, that would be scary,” but that should be the end of it.
The internet says “with proper care” your plastic shower curtain can last up to one year but I know some dudes...
molls...she wrote: figured something out →
Here’s something obvious:
If you’re ever talking to a male or a female and they start up on some, “I don’t know why you like me, you’re too attractive/cool/funny/whatever for me” shit, they mean it and they’re doing you a favor.
If someone tells you they’re a loser, they’re not lying. Only a…
3 tags
Not to count all the times I’ve been hit on over the past few days (I’m gonna) but on Friday riding home in my bike helmet that looks like this, some regular white dude riding by in a fucking Jeep yelled out the window for my phone number. Some other white dude on Sunday hollered at me walking down the street when I was wearing khaki pants while on break at the craft store muttering...
Last night I rode my bike to Ted’s (two blocks away) to watch Mad Men (because I don’t have cable) and some guy passing in a car yelled “WHORE” at me (I was wearing long sleeves).
Hahahahahaha, I wish.
RE: A keen eye
Nicole: Oh wait did I tell you that I think Jon Hamm as Don Draper looks like a better-looking skinnier human version of Homer Simpson?
Ted: No.
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These are my confessions.
I just paid for six J. Lo songs.
Sometimes I miss having a boyfriend but then I think if he was over right now I wouldn’t be able to be sitting here in my underwear picking at the dry skin on my feet.
“I think a guy I was in love with is in jail. I can’t find him on Facebook.”
– Monica
I was just looking through some rando’s pictures on Facebook and she said “drummerlicious” in one of her captions referring to her picture of a drummer in a band and a girl commented “LMFAO drummerlicious that is hysterical.”
folkinz...: the joys of parenting →
so today i picked up my boys from camp and the counselor came up to me and said, “oh [redacted] has something for you in the office. no big deal.” i walked away with my boys and let out a sigh. ugh, going to the office is the worst amiright? anyway i walk into the office and [redacted] hands me a…
1 tag
Anonymous asked: I think your HBIC jokes and your gifs are super funny but if you read alot of your stuff you seem kind of sad or angry about guys. Have all your relationships been bad? You seem like you'd be a really cool girlfriend and like you'd have good taste in guys so its hard to figure out.
Celebrities With Your Disease →
Add it under your WebMD bookmark.
GANGS. →
I read an amazing book and needed to share, especially if anyone has an interest in gangs (particularly in Chicago), urban studies, or Sociology.
Given the current climate in Chicago, this book seems especially relevant (despite the gap in time). Venkatesh stumbled into the Black Kings on…
I LOVE GANGSSSSSSZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me anytime I find a new blog about a girl that seems cool but keeps mentioning her boyfriend: Oh, that’s cute, good for them. Me, really: CAN’T WAIT TIL I READ ABOUT THEIR BREAKUP.
~ICE QUEEN REPRESENT~
Something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I haven’t seen a lot of movies that I “should have” seen. Goonies? Never seen it. Star Wars (any)? Never seen ‘em. Top Gun? Never seen it. Indiana Jones? Never seen it. The Chyna and Screech porns, however, I have seen and it was a one night double feature.
I went through a phase where I didn’t like...
Two of my male friends were walking down Clark Street in Lincoln Park on Saturday afternoon. For those of you who don’t know Chicago, Clark Street in Lincoln Park is the yuppie epicenter of Chicago. It’s a cutesy little area full of cupcake shops and successful-acting white people. My friends were walking home after one of them picked up a coveted $9 Jurassic Park t-shirt from Urban...
RE: Uncomfortable racism/flattery in the office.
Co-worker: You have some admirers back there.
Me: Huh?
Co-worker: The construction workers on the fire escape. You walked back there and they all leaned their heads down to take a peek.
Me: ...
Co-worker: And I told them to get back to work but they didn't listen. Just kept staring.
Me: B-)
Co-worker: To be Mexican for just one day...
“Tom and I went to the Met ball a couple of years ago, and I had this beautiful...”
– Katie Holmes
Anonymous asked: Where do you see yourself at 30?
1 tag
