May 2010
74 posts
I went out last night with one of my main bitches and got a free drink from “the best ‘star-tender’ in the city” cuz I was able to guess the ingredients in the drink (Party trick!). I was still hungover from the night before/had under eye circles/coulda smelled better and as usual, this seems to be the most attractive thing to guys. They love when you’re not at...
An Open Letter to the Lighting in Victoria's...
I work at an architecture firm. I am familiar with the process of new construction. Meetings upon meetings take place before a lighting scheme is chosen - meetings filled with fancy lunches, schmoozing, and sample after sample after sample of beautifully designed lighting fixtures from around the world. Each manufacturer spends months practically begging to have their product showcased in your...
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Just addressed a letter to be messengered to an “Esq.”
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RE: "Party favors"
Mom: We're getting "party favors" for your brother's graduation party.
Nicole: "Party favors" means "drugs" around my neck of the woods...
Dad: I want some "party favors."
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How To Find Out About New Bands
See a thumbnail of band you’ve never heard of on some bullshit website.
Find larger picture.
If cute, proceed to step 4. If not, you have completed this tutorial.
Find a song by the band. Try to like it.
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“No lips, just sides and butthole.”
– [Redacted], on her bikini wax
RE: String cheese
Alan: you know what makes me happy? string cheese
Nicole: we have the half cheddar/half mozzarella ones. both cheeses taste the same but i hope for a different outcome every time
Alan: that's because it's not different cheese, it's different dye. the cheese is mixed together
Nicole: THEY LIE
Alan: they're not, like, frankensteined together
Nicole: i thought they glued 'em together
Alan: MMM GLUE CHEESE
Nicole: don't act like there's not glue in string cheese
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Open Firefox tabs:
An email thread requesting my attendance at this weekend’s International Mr. Leather
My own blog (what a mofo)
“Calories in strawberries”
“Is ‘SATC 2’ too sexy for Abu Dhabi?”
ststevenenen asked: is there any difference between your two accounts??
The Bachelorette Cheat Sheet →
In case you guys were feeling too in control of your life, ABC has created this nifty cheat sheet to accompany you while watching the premiere of The Bachelorette tonight.
In the event that you just wanted to watch it quasi-ironically with a piece of the rotisserie chicken you bought yesterday and maybe a glass of wine after my your workout, might as well just pass the Rubicon completely and...
I’ve never seen Lost because I’ve never given a fuck and to make sure I never give a fuck, I watched the last 10 minutes of the finale to know what happens so I never try to start at the beginning. I’m gonna request a quick synopsis from someone who watches it and make them spoil the ending so I never rent or download this shit.
COULDN’T CARE LESS. GLAD YOU’RE...
On repeat.
Alan: Sometimes you have chola eyebrows.
Me:
The other day I bumped into the UPS guy in the elevator after I had just come in from running out to pick up lunch. I was in a wretched mood because I only had a hoodie and it was like 50 degrees out, not even exaggerating, and gray and ugly and misting and windy, the worst weather combo ever. When I got in the elevator I was like “UGHHHH,” and he was like, “Rough out...
RE: Looking cool
Nicole: Oh, I bought a bike helmet. I've been biking to work and I figured I've been biking for two years without one, I better get one before my luck runs out.
Mom: I bet that looks cool.
People have found this blog via the following...
“i hate mario lopez”
“how to know if you’re dating a hoarder”
“taylor hanson cheating”
“sexy trash lady”
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“A woman in love with her vulva can heal galaxies of unchallenged pain and...”
– Diva Nejah
RE: Mary Kate Olsen
Geller: so I watched Full House yesterday and I am so happy that MK has maintained her weight since she was 4
Nicole: she should be proud
Geller: considering how many cookies she ate on that show
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“What was it like growing up without knuckles?” I anonymously asked my formerly fat little brother on his Formspring.
“Better than growing up with giant teeth,” he replied. Well played.
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RE: Not wanting people to know you're drunk
Cab Driver: Good evening. How are you?
Nicole: DRUNK.
Cab Driver: I can tell!
Nicole: :(
Overheard at the grocery store.
An older man was leaving the Jewel/Osco at Addison and Broadway and he bumped into a cracked-out looking couple he seemed to be acquaintances with. I was walking in with my old lady cart and took off my headphones just in the nick of time:
Older Man: I’m handing out little Jesuses tomorrow. Cracked-Out Woman: WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE? Older Man: … Cracked-Out Woman: … Older...
“He’s just a pimple excuse for a man.”
– MY NEW SAYING I JUST HEARD ON WIFE SWAP!!!!!!!!!!!
“i was gonna make a beet salad again but i’ll probably be drunk so...”
A lot of times I really wish this blog was anonymous because I have gotten into some weirdo situations re: meeting people IRL and then going home and having them read all about my lyfestyle. But whatev. Authenticity 2010.
But when I really wish this blog was anonymous is when it comes to dudes. I have so many date stories, wiener stories, and bedroom behavior stories that I would love to share...
My dream last night included:
Seeing Lil’ Wayne perform at a casino which was supposed to be Lilith Fair
Getting lost near an NYC underpass while a kid from high school that I never talked to felt me up
Being on top of an ambulance as it tipped over
Decipher?
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Not Wearing My Retainer
mybiggestregretever:
My biggest regret ever is not wearing my retainer. I had braces in middle school and achieved the perfect smile and then never wore my retainer. They went back to the way they were. I rarely smile with my teeth showing and can’t stop thinking people are judging me based on my teeth. If I had straight teeth, I believe I’d be a completely different person.
[Female, 24]
...