January 2011
69 posts
1 tag
December 2010
83 posts
I had a dream last night that I met Zooey Deschanel at an indoor pool party. T.I. was there also. Zooey and I were waiting to catch two cabs going home and she started making out with me.
And guess what, it was so boring.
Getting Fingered at a School Assembly
mybiggestregretever:
My biggest regret ever is getting fingered at a school assembly last year.
[Female, 15]
halfsubmerged asked: What did you major in in college? Did it help you with your current job? I guess I'm just asking because I'm infinitely jealous of it and as a sophomore in college I need to start figuring out what I want to do and how to get there. What sort of things lead to where you are now in life? Sorry, these are a ton of questions, I'm just reading a book right now that talks about the...
halfsubmerged asked: What did you major in in college? Did it help you with your current job? I guess I'm just asking because I'm infinitely jealous of it and as a sophomore in college I need to start figuring out what I want to do and how to get there. What sort of things lead to where you are now in life? Sorry, these are a ton of questions, I'm just reading a book right now that talks about the...
“Check out my boobs, boys.”
– What Ted thinks qualifies as a pick-up line
“Are you kidding me? I hate you…You’re a rude liar and I hope your Christmas...”
– - My ex-boyfriend on Christmas, via text message (via thatwhitebitch)
Reblogged from a year ago. LOL.
What I Learned in 2010
If you build it, they will come. Set some standards for what you want in your life. You’ll get it!!!
Keeping a ~journal~ is a kewl re: personal growth.
Sometimes you just can’t get it up, no matter how nice/perfect/lovely the dude is. Gotta have spunk. We all deserve spunk!
21 year olds: still legal.
If you have 0% interest in kissing someone, do not go on a date with them....
Baby I’m Yours | Breakbot feat. Irfane
...
“Critically-Acclaimed Emotional Foreign Movies: Your taste preferences created...”
– Netflix
Sorry I’m an asshole.
Not Seeing Joe Jonas at the Mall
mybiggestregretever:
My biggest regret ever is not seeing Joe Jonas at the mall. My uncle didn’t get home in time to take me there.
[Femail, 11]
Ted told me today that as a child, he once got an Easter outfit from Deb in their limited-time-only male collection. He thought it was really nice.
Joe: how’s the boy life going? me: no boy life at the moment. last dude was rude. dismissed. now i’m wide open. Joe: [redacted] keeps telling me how hot he thinks you are me: isnt he a gay man? Joe: no me:
“At some point in the near future I may have to ask you to pump your brakes on...”
– My editor
1 tag
In case u were wonderin, Michael Jackson’s weirdo song “Give In To Me” is not the song u want playing when you come out of the bathroom at 2:10am after you lost track of time in there washing your makeup off re: drunkenness.
(Just listen to the song and imagine this scenario in a 1 br apt for one second.)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get some pizza.
(My brother made that joke up when he was five 14 years ago and I still LOL.)
1 tag
wayofftarget asked: http://wtforever21.wordpress.com/
Saw this, and I thought of you. e__e is that weird?
Saw this, and I thought of you. e__e is that weird?
wayofftarget asked: http://wtforever21.wordpress.com/
Saw this, and I thought of you. e__e is that weird?
Saw this, and I thought of you. e__e is that weird?
“WHERE MY BAY BAY AT??? LOL”
– My BFF is pregz and one day past her due date so she’s just at home, emailin’ me.
I think it’d be funny if you found a hot fantasy babe on Twitter and their picture was like, from Maxim but then their bio was like
Regional Distribution Manager, Ovaltine. Parakeet advocate. Let’s go, Greenstone Bowling League 721!
1 tag
“can’t reason with a crazy. would’ve just started a feedback loop.”
– Alan, on some chick.
Truer words have never been spoken. Ever.
1 tag
Got to publicly ask Ryan Reynolds to be his new... →
1 tag
Got to publicly ask Zac Efron to be his new... →
1 tag
If I had a dollar for every time I came home from da club, got a DiGiorno at CVS, began to bake it with every intention of eating it, but passed out on the couch and woke up four hours later to pepperoni charcoal in my oven, I’d have $4.
1 tag
“Would I fuckerberg Zuckerberg?”
– I just asked myself while watching Barbara Walter’s 10 Most Fascinating People of 2010.
Anonymous asked: I know you ain't gettin' this type of dick from that local dude.
1 tag
Found this little gem in my "Drafts:"
1. Cunt
2. Hillbilly
3.
Never Would Have Made It | Marvin Sapp
1 tag
I’m trying to make #TeamThighsTouch a thing on Twitter. Join me.
Anonymous asked: Hexadecimal #ffffcc is actually pretty yellow. You should do a google search before you assume you know how hex colors work. Not two shades off of pure white. Rookie.
I’m home sick today watching a lot of crap TV and I just wanna say I’m pretty fucking offended by this Crest Whitestrips commercial where the Asian friend tells her ethnically ambiguous friend that she’s setting her up on a blind date and the dude’s a dentist so her ethnically ambiguous friend better whiten her already #FFFFCC teeth to #FFFFFFs.
Sincere Text Post
I don’t know if y’all read it but Rihanna did an interview with GQ and she said something re: Chris Brown that stuck out to me:
“In my head, it’s gone.”
I was like
because I just had one of those moments where I read someone else’s words and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to articulate.”
I feel like this is what I spent this...