December 2010
83 posts
I talk about race all the time (see the title of my blog) because I love people and think life in America is really interesting.
I made two $100 bets with myself tonight at da club (there for a whiskey tasting) — 1 bet was that the first man that would talk to me and Monica would be a brotha.
$100.
The second bet was that after we stood at the bar for a minute, the R. Kelly looking...
November 2010
82 posts
Re: Compliments
Alan: I need to find a place with a rock climbing wall I feel like you’d know those places I’ll just google nvm Nicole: was that a joke? actually many fitness formula clubs have them FFCs Alan: I feel like you’d be plugged into the yuppie gym scene there it is Nicole: i take that as a compliment
Anonymous asked: What advice can you give for 20-somethings trying to save money?
A lot of people spend time thinking about what their last meal on Earth might be if they ever happen upon that circumstance but for me a Cup-O-Noodles and spoiled 2% milk will do it as long as by that time they’ve invented perpetually heated sweatpants and I get to die in them.
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I Work Down The Hall From R. Kelly →
The lights are on in the suite today. Time to start documenting this shit.
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“Excuse my vulgarness but you’re an attractive young woman and were I to...”
– My cab driver, on rape
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I just saw on my dash a story about a girl who’s mother was exposed to when she was 11. I was like “My mom was too!”
Actually, my mom has been exposed to three times in her life. Like, unwarranted. How bout that? Also, she was pick pocketed downtown once and the a-hole took all of her money and credit cards but left her license in the wallet and mailed the whole thing back to...
WatchKids Reenact: Kanye Tweet’s “Cherub Rug”
:’ )
An email I just sent to my mom:
I had a dream last night that I brought my spinach gratin in a casserole dish and it needed to be baked for 20 mins. Before I could put it in the oven, you added a bunch of red peppers to it without me knowing. I took it out of the oven and noticed the red peppers. I asked you why you added red peppers to my spinach dish and you said “Because I felt like it,” and I said,...
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Talking to the black cashier at the thrift store
Her looking at my ugly christmas sweater: You actually going to wear this?
Me: Uhh yea? I'm throwing an ugly christmas sweater party.
Her: What?
Me: It's a party where everyone wears ugly sweaters and drinks
Her: I'm guessing that you only have white friends.
Me: *sighs* Yea....
Anonymous asked: How about women who name their clits?
It's called a "vagina."
I’m not talking about dudes calling it a “snatch” or a “pussy,” I’m talking about grown-ass women calling their vaginas “va-jay-jays” and “vagines.” You’re 36, you have a line of credit on your home and make $80K per year and you call your vagina a “vagerino.”
I don’t understand anyone.
“Anxiously waiting for the big day to arrive? Don’t just sit there —...”
– From the “Week 37” WhatToExpect.com newsletter for pregnant ladies my preggo BFF Reema forwarded me
DON’T JUST SIT THERE!
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I just went to go see 127 Hours with my lil bro. I didn’t know what it was, my bro just said “that guy that got stuck under a rock and had to cut his arm off” and “James Franco” and I was like 8=====D.
A guy in the theatre passed out when James Franco cut his arm off. They stopped the movie and called an ambulance.
Me:
DON’T GO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY...
My dad left me some information on that Sacajawea post:
On your Lews and Clark convo - from your father - 1) Lewis and Clark did not discover Chicago, DeSable did - don’t you see his name all over the city. 2) Sacajewa was a Lacota Indian and they did not impregnate her - they only carried her ass back to Washington. 3) Is this what my education $ paid for - dumb ass.
I made this.
Do you agree?
Top Five Things About Having a Treasure Trove of...
And I don’t just mean “someone to shop with” or “someone to gab about boys with LOL.” N00bs. I’m talking next level gay boy friendships, here.
Get schooled:
The wit. God damn that gay boy wit. Could you ever have this next level convo with a straight guy? Gay boy 1: “What happened? You used to be all sweet and innocent. Did you get hypnotized?” Gay...
RE: Ted and Nicole's Mental Retardation
Ted and I took a trip down second grade education lane on our way back from lunch today.
Nicole: Wait, Lewis and Clark discovered Chicago? Ted: Yes, and didn’t that Sacajawea bitch have something to do with it? Nicole: Was Sacajawea local? Ted: [LOLing] Nicole: I mean like, did we learn about her because she’s from [the Chicago area]? Ted: Yes. Nicole: Did the White Man impregnate...
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You know that post I just typed like 5 hours ago? I just went on a second date with a dude that:
Does not have a Twitter
Reads the newspaper
Owns a sports jersey
Doesn’t “get” Gmail
Likes dogs
Was in a fraternity
Referred to his “buddies”
Wore a button-down/cardigan combo
Thinks I’m real weird
THE SECRET WORKS, Y’ALL.
LOL @ my life. And I can...
Tony Parker was texting a ho while married to the beautiful Eva Longoria?
It’s called the NBA. Welcome to life.
“As a very generous gift, Louis Vuitton gave me one of their monogrammed Pegase...”
– Gwyneth Paltrow in this week’s GOOP
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These are my confessions.
I am madly, wildly, blindly, vag-throbbingly attracted to John Mayer.
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Doin’ research on Tina Knowles (Beyonce’s momma) this morning (<3 my job) and I found out this little gem of information:
Célestine Ann “Tina” Knowles (née Beyincé; born January 4, 1954) is an American fashion designer known for her House of Deréon brand.
Tina Knowles’ maiden name is Beyincé. Tina Knowles named her first daughter Beyoncé.
Follow me here:
...
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Anonymous asked: What advice would you have for someone who can only seem to keep guys interested in them for a 4-6 week period? As a fellow white bitch myself, I find it upsetting that as soon as I let out real side they seem to head for the hills. Why do men suck?
“It seems to me, to myself, that no [clothing store] was ever before to any woman...”
– Just a lil love letter (originally written by Elizabeth Barrett to Robert Browning that I reappropriated) to Forever 21
Anonymous asked: What advice would you give for ppl looking to start a blog? Any tips on how to gather a decent following (via tumblr and/or twitter)?
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