September 2009
92 posts
August 2009
87 posts
Birds & Bees
Nicole: ...because it's always the promise ring kids that try anal first. I mean statistically.
Mom: Really.
Nicole: Yeah.
Mom: I never liked anal sex.
Nicole: I've never done it.
Mom: Oh--
Nicole: I mean I've been close and then I'm like, 'WAIT, GIMME A SEC.'
---
Did you notice how MY MOM AND I TALKED ABOUT ANAL SEX?
Who’s anesthesia wore off before they were done while getting her wisdom teeth out today?
Hint: It was me!
This weekend I explored my Scale of Comfortableness, ranking from whom I feel most comfortable around to whom I feel least comfortable around:
Cats
Gay men
Children
Bees
Dogs
Straight Men
OMG
I just remembered I used to have a CBGB shirt.
Laundry and stuff.
I took part in this focus group yesterday. I made 65 big ones for just an hour of watching five different Downy commercials. After each commercial we had to write down a few phrases that came to mind. The first one was my favorite, featuring three different scenes of people “being comforted” by the smell of their clothes - their sweater on a crowded bus, or a little boy smelling...
Just wonderin'
ScarJo v. Kat Dennings: Why is nobody talking about this?
“Sometimes we don’t have control over whose peen our fuck part is going to...”
– Michael K, regarding Chelsea Handler’s recent breakup
Does it make anyone else a little sad that (most likely) all of the pictures of our kids will be digital? No sun spots or smoke yellowing the 35 mm film, just some folder on our laptops. ”Age 1 - 3,” “Age 4 - 9,” “Misc.”
That is so disheartening.
The list of things I have to learn (manual photography) grows larger by the hour.
I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend, Discovery feat. Angel...
When I was 19, my first boyfriend, The Brazilian, made me a CD including Cat Stevens, Jack Johnson (right?!), and fucking Stevie Wonder’s “I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever).”
Isn’t that hilarious?
I had a dream last night that my phantom boyfriend had the complete discography of Anita O’Day.
Is this a sign? Will I date a gay?
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, p.236
Abelard: Can you believe how long it's been?
Lydia: I can believe it (she said, pulling at the flesh of her stomach). We're clocks, Abelard. Nothing more.
Abelard: We're more than that. We're marvels, mi amor.
And oh, yeah:
Starting tomorrow, you’ll see my column “Beauty Mark” every Monday and Friday on The MidWasteland. I get to write about lipstick! And hair! And review products! Dream come true.
Monica’s got a great blog going on and homegirl’s all over the place. So excited to contribute.
I'm having a marvelous day because:
Trident’s fucking Strawberry Twist
Dad’s bday present came a day early
The Best Hummus Ever from Reza’s
There are two barbecues this weekend
eatingwell.com
The Cookie of The Day (on my calendar): Chewy Chocolate
Project Runway begins tonight
Bonnie fucking Raitt
Eating Well →
I’ve been quite smitten with cooking lately. I’m really understanding the therapuetic qualities of it and feel proud when my meal’s on the plate.
This link is fantastic. I’m always looking for healthy recipes and this site does a great job of putting a tasty spin on regular healthy recipes. Like tonight, I’ll be making this. Also, pork chops. Heck yes, pork...
LuLu's →
LuLu’s is one of those online shops you want to keep to yourself but also want to tell the whole world about. So fine, I’m telling you. But you better not buy this dress before I do.
My BFF just told me she’s going to name her first daughter
L-A PR3$HI$$
pronounced “la-dash-uh pre-shiss”
“The stars are leading you back towards spiritual awakening. The journey has...”
– Taurus Horoscope, 8/17/09
I swore off coffee and sweets last night (indefinitely*)! How’d they know!
*I had a cookie at lunch.
How is it:
When you order a bday present for your pops from a Chicago company, that is located less than five miles away, that manufactures the product less than five miles away, it will cost you $9.80 to ship and will not be there until five days later?*
*They don’t have a storefront. I had no choice.
Don't forget:
There’s good news happening all around the world every single day. Personal triumphs. Babies being born. New songs playing on radios. Someone ran an extra mile today.
Don’t fucking forget that shit.
Oh no.
Now that Mad Men is back on the air and Mad Men parties are on coast to coast, there’s gonna be so many pictures of people DOING IT ALL WRONG.
RE: Finally getting my hands on the documentary...
W.E.’.R.E. F.U.C.K.E.D.
Um, Sephora just sent me an email thanking them for shopping there recently with a picture of what I bought, telling me to rate it.
I DON’T LIKE THIS.
Electrelane, “The Greater Times”
Oh I...
Should I still be sweating this much to Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred?
Clark and Michael →
I spent a significant amount of time last summer, or shit, I think it was the summer before (!!), watching Clark and Michael. Some people love it, some people hate it. I’m in the love category. You should be too.
P.S. How bout I p’d my p’s when Clark Duke commented on my MySpace picture after I commented on his?
P.P.S. Remember MySpace?
I texted my friend the other night: “Have a good night. I’m going to watch The Notebook and cry myself to sleep,” and he thought I was kidding but I had this planned - I wanted to watch The Notebook and cry myself to sleep.
I had never seen The Notebook. I’d only heard, from the few girlfriends I have, that it’s a whopper. A tear-jerker. Romantic and shit. And...
Woodstock was 40 years ago. I currently do not or never have given a fuck about Woodstock but I’m saying when’s the last time there was a huge event that reevaluated the social and cultural mores of America?
I’m hankering for a revolution, God dammit. Or maybe I just need to have a baby or something.
“People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed...”
– James Baldwin
This one resonates, folks. Real deep.
I used to have a big problem with brown-haired girls. I was always losing my junior high crushes to fucking brown-haired girls.
Then I realized it’s not just me. Every blonde girl dislikes brown-haired girls and every brunette doesn’t get the appeal of a blondie. This debate’s been going on for 50 years: Marilyn versus Audrey.
There are, and always will be, two camps. When...
“You guys, a fucking Egg McMuffin is three God damn dollars and 74 fucking cents.”