July 2009
114 posts
Michael K. discusses the return of The Real... →
Just do yourself a favor and watch these clips and read his discription. Michael K. is forever my Internet Crush Extraordinaire. And he’s gay…of course.
I loooove banana Laffy Taffys but they always have the worst kids jokes printed on the wrappers. The best kid joke of all time was an original from my brother, told to me when I was 14 and he was 6:
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To get some pizza.”
Here's the thing:
Yeah, riding home drunk on your bike is a bad idea but:
it’s really fun
you feel like a hot babe when guys whistle at you
you’re way less drunk by the time you get home than by the time you left
So really, how bad is it?
Your life is no more or less valuable than any...
Let's get one thing straight:
Listen, I got on board the Scarlett Train a couple years ago. I saw the light or whatever. But Marilyn Monroe SHE IS NOT. So just stop. Stop trying to make them the same:
They are different:
Very different. So that’s that.
But here’s me and Marilyn, like I imagine when I’m sleeping. We have pink hair:
Hey, nice cheeks. (They’re mine.)
Oh, and here’s...
20 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Gets... →
Live by herself for at least a year.
Live with someone else for at least a year.
Recover from a broken heart.
Have a vacation fling.*
Take a road-trip with a group of girlfriends.**
Relish sleeping in a queen-sized bed by herself.
Get her finances in order.
Learn to love her body.
Have sex with at least one person she’d never want to marry (or introduce to mom).
Find reliable birth...
P.S.
I’m a total babe.
AND I AM DONE APOLOGIZING.
I was gonna text you tonight because I had four vodka sodas and two weird shots made by the bartender and I was gonna say, “Hey. I know you said not to text you anymore but I just wanted to say that I’m thinking about you and I hope you’re well,” which is nice but instead I broke my streak of not checking your stupid fucking blog and I checked it.
Which is unfair to my...
tumblcore:
breakupsong:
Mieka Pauley - I Can’t...
“‘Talented men have very busy heads. They may seem unkind sometimes.’...”
– from “What Is Seized,” Lorrie Moore
BTDubs, I’m finally reading Self-Help so expect many, many a quote for the next little while.
tumblcore:
The Rembrandts - I’ll Be There For...
Are Women with Short Hairstyles Less Attractive to... →
My co-short-haired friend Caitlin and I discuss this shit all the time. We emailed back and forth about this. My opinion:
“You know what, fuck it. I don’t give a fuck. It’s about attitude. Personally, I don’t like the cut on her. Did you see the picture? We’ve both pulled dudes after we’ve cut our hair. That’s not the issue. When I recently cut my hair super short, I ...
RE: Fox's "More To Love"
Nicole: This guy is as exciting as socks.
Mom: He is a bit sedate but give him a chance - seems to have a good heart.
Nicole: He has to - he's fat. KIDDING!!!
---
Mom: Forget what I said - now that I watched the "give me a 'beso'" scene - he's just like the rest of the douche bags - seeing how many he can get in the sack with!
Nicole: PREACHIN' TO THE CHOIR, SOUL SISTER.
On average, you'll spend a year of your life...
fuckyeahfacts:
snapple fact #326
Submitted by freebirdd
NOT ME! I HATE looking for shit. It’ll show up.
1 tag
1 tag
I just bing-ed myself.
Nicole James Jewelry in Venus Zine →
Remember when my jewelry was in Venus Zine and I p’d my p’s?
WatchMy Favorite! Animals doing human things (but not talking)!
1 tag
…and because I had to check how to spell cunnilingus I just had CUNNILINGUS in my Google search bar for a good 45 minutes. At work.
My friends all dropped their jaws when hearing that tidbit, even tonight rehatching it, because they all know what I give and how I give and when I give and how much fucking joy it brings me to just fucking give it all away so kindly go fuck yourself if it wasn’t fucking enough.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I...”
– Douglas Adams (via restartmyheart)
So this first happened last year when I was at a popular late-night hipster bar here in Chicago. I saw this guy from across the room and I was like, “Where do I know him from/I want to have sex with him?” I couldn’t place him, couldn’t place him, couldn’t place him and then OMGTHAT’SMYINTERNETCRUSH. It was my internet crush from this community review site...
Tip:
Maybe don’t include your vagina when washing with mint body wash.
Right Here, SWV
Cheryl "Coko" Gamble-Clemons: Hey yo, T-Roni, I really like this guy but he's just too blind to see it.
Tamara "Taj" Johnson-George: For real, Coko, dag. Whatchu gon' do 'bout that?
Cheryl "Coko" Gable-Clemons: Phsst.
Leanne "Lelee" Lyons: Sing it to him, Coko.
Cheryl "Coko" Gable-Clemons: Yeah, Le, I'ma do that. I'ma let him know that I ain't goin' nowhere and my lovin' 's gonna be RIGHT HERE.
Tamara "Taj" Johnson-George: For real though.
All: WORD.
“Early in my career…I had to choose between an honest arrogance and a...”
– Frank Lloyd Wright (via)
I know a lot of architects. They all do this. And the older I get the more I get it. So shut up with your humility. It’s 2009. Nobody buys that shit anymore. If you’re good, you’re good. Get it, gurl.
I'm sick of Zooey Deschanel.
Yeah, I said it.
It was in college during Intro To Poetry when I fell in love with Canary by Rita Dove. And then Amiri Baraka’s Preface to a Twenty-Volume Suicide Note slapped me in the face with wonder. And then it was basically all of Langston Hughes (duh). Jazz and Harlem and brown girls and God damn it, I wanted it so bad. The swagger and the motion, the deep melancholy and the unabashed celebration....