July 2009
114 posts
You learn something new every day. →
June 2009
137 posts
You never asked.
Remember that one time you called me after we broke up? It was in April because I hadn’t moved yet and I was sitting on my chair and I was surprised to see you call.
You talked and talked even though you called to say you wanted to hear my voice. “Bajillion,” I said, because you liked the way I said it, because I used to say it, because you asked nicely. I didn’t mind. ...
So why is it now after I’ve had my fill...
“All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk...”
– Joan Didion, Goodbye To All That (via meaghano)
“A friend told me the newsletter last week was really offensive, but in a good...”
– My editor at My Open Bar
I’m not impressed.
RIP
Nicole: You're the first person I thought of when I just saw on the news that Michael Jackson died. "This is a good day for his jokes," I thought.
Kenny: A - B - C, it's easy as D - E - A - D
WatchDear Shia,
I love you. I mean, I love you. I know I shouldn’t. I know my girlfriends are like, “Really? This again?” You are an amalgamation of all the completely-wrong-for-me boys I ever liked, rolled in to one hot, Jewish piece. My mom goes, “I think he seems like a dick,” and then I just look at her and raise an eyebrow and smirk because that’s my...
1 tag
Mom: I think we’ve got it covered Cathy but just in case plans change…………we’ll loop you in!!
Nikki: Mom, FYI, an ellipsis is only THREE DOTS! No more, no less!
Mom: Whatever…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
“nicole, you remind me of a pack of starburst, you come in so many different...”
– My BFF of all time
Yahoo answers all my questions.
How do you pronounce the band name “MSTRKRFT?” I’m curious. Do you just say the letters m-s-t-r-k-r-f-t? Or mister craft? I have no clue.
Yup. Master-Kraft. It’s taken from a brand of power tools that was popular in Canada from a chain outdoor department store called Canadian Tire, although the tools were called Mastercraft. There you have it.
It’s...
Regarding Texts From Last Night, F My Life, My...
I think it’s really great that these sites exist. Remember when you had to write short stories in high school? And you’d be like, “Ugh, I have no idea where to start,” because they had to be fiction but I could never get out of my head enough to write a completely fictitious short story so it would always be about a vaguely familiar unpopular girl with really thick hair that she wished...
Mom: Have you met _________?
Nicole: No. Is she coming to the party?
Mom: Yeah. She's such a nice girl but man, is she ugly.
Nicole: ...
Mom: I mean, HIDEOUS.
Nicole: You need to stop telling people not to get felched. It's like telling someone, "Don't get raped!"
Ted: Well at least when they rape you they might use a condom. They can't when they felch you.
Nicole: TED! Rapists don't wear condoms!!
Ted: If they respect you they do.
A couple things:
Taylor Hanson was, like, maybe 15 feet from me tonight and it was glorious.
“Hey…bitch…wait’ll you see my dick.”
TGIAirConditioning
I need to leave my house more often.
Click
I’ve been happier.
SWV, “Right Here”
This was the second...
“People over the age of 35, whose frequency with pizza is declining, said one of...”
– One of Pizza Hut’s HBICs (Head Bitches In Charge). Sweet Jesus, what is happening in the world?
Chicago Artists
I have this idea to get a console table where my bike currently sits so I can have, like, frames of my family and stuff out because I think that’s what people are supposed to do. But more importantly, I’m looking to get an original piece of art from a local artist to liven up my space. Thought I’d share who I’m into:
Rachel Borchers - This girl is fucking incredible. I...
team9 vs. Stereogum, “Good After Time”
“Dad, Happy Father’s Day! Thought you’d enjoy a gift card to the...”
Sing it, Ray.
You know it's my entry if there's talk of married... →
One More Time:
It’s …, not …. or ………………………..
It’s “oriented,” not “orientated.”
It’s “I Got A Feeling,” not “I Gotta Feeling.”*
*Black Eyed Peas specific. And why is this not a bigger deal?
Kevin from Midwest Funding is a dick. And their...
Nicole: Good afternoon, XXXXX Architects.
Caller: Is XXXXX available?
Nicole: May I ask who's calling?
Caller: Kevin.
Nicole: And where are you calling from?
Caller: Midwest Funding.
Nicole: What is this regarding?
Caller: Are you his wife?
Nicole: No, I'm his assistant.
Caller: Hello?
Nicole: ...
Caller: ARE. YOU. HIS. WIFE?
Nicole: NO. I'M. HIS. ASSISTAAAAAAAANT.
Dial tone.
What I Want * Now + The Grand Scheme of Things =...
I need a date to this. →