May 2013
May 17th
190 notes
May 16th
9 notes
May 15th
21 notes
May 14th
1,085 notes
May 10th
16 notes
May 8th
40 notes
A cautionary tale
I walked down the stairs to the subway platform and saw a man with no hands with a sign around his neck asking for money. I walked past him, opened my wallet, took out a dollar and walked back to give it to him. As I walked back, I was struck with panic. “Oh my God, how is he going to grab the dollar?” And I almost turned back the other way because moments of social awkwardness make me cringe...
May 7th
35 notes
May 6th
55 notes
Enough with the themed selfies already—you’re taking a picture of your face because you like your face and you want to know if other people like your face. Ain’t no shame, my sisters.  Your “just drank some milk” or “thinking about tacos” caption is just a substitute for “Check out these genes.” You’re allowed! Stop masking it.
May 3rd
53 notes
May 2nd
123 notes
May 1st
28 notes
“I’m the best, read my blog, I’m so funny, I should be...”
– Everyone
May 1st
498 notes
April 2013
When my BF says I’m pretty or cute or beautiful like every other day: When someone I rarely talk to or a complete stranger or someone I actively despise tells me the same thing:
Apr 29th
45 notes
ListenListen
Apr 29th
2 notes
Apr 29th
13 notes
Apr 26th
14 notes
ListenYou all can go fuck yourselves okay leave me alone
Apr 25th
15 notes
Wednesday Quick Advice Bonus Round
On 20/20 Hindsight “I can laugh about it now,” - Lorena Bobbitt On Accepting Compliments Man in elevator: “Not to be weird, but do you always look this nice at the end of the day?” Me: “No, I just put on a gallon of makeup.” On Chilling Out Try calling your problems “problemos.” They’re less serious then. On Facebook Birthday Wishes An...
Apr 24th
37 notes
Apr 24th
39 notes
Apr 23rd
18 notes
Apr 22nd
12 notes
ListenParamore | Ain’t It Fun Will get down to any...
Apr 21st
15 notes
Apr 18th
7 notes
Apr 17th
201 notes
Apr 16th
2,572 notes
1 tag
Apr 14th
35 notes
3 tags
Apr 12th
14 notes
ListenYASSSSS
Apr 10th
10 notes
Apr 10th
14 notes
Shout out to my homies who helped me come up with a new Twitter handle. You can now find my important updates about the food I’m currently eating and daily annoyances at: @nicolejamessays I kept @thatwhitebitch because she will always live inside me and no one else can have it, so back the fuck off.  Also, in my search for a new name I discovered no one has taken @adorablehuman yet. Same...
Apr 10th
12 notes
Apr 9th
29 notes
remember yesterday when I had pins and needles in my foot all day so i looked it up and i found out maybe I was having a stroke so i did the acronym test, FAST - Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, Take action (call 911) - spending a good 30 minutes silently saying things out loud to see if i was having speech difficulty and i kept stretching my arms at my desk like i was tired but...
Apr 9th
26 notes
Apr 8th
16 notes
Apr 8th
7 notes
In college, our usual post-2am food spot was Mr. Greek Gyros, on the corner of Halsted and Jackson in Chicago. That place was a lifesaver, both figuratively and (probably) literally. But it was wretched. You’d stumble in there at 3am filled to the brim with some disgusting mixture of booze. You’d take your place in a line that never had any less than 15 people in it. You’d...
Apr 8th
52 notes
Anonymous asked: Hey I've been a follower for several years now - thanks for keeping your blog hilarious!So here's my question. I'm approaching my last year of college and I'm starting to realize that most guys are either desperate for a girlfriend or only want to hook up. Are good college relationships a myth? It seems like most guys I know are "going through stuff" or getting over...
Apr 5th
19 notes
Apr 3rd
54 notes
Apr 3rd
42 notes
Need Ur Help
When I chose the Twitter handle @thatwhitebitch back in the 90s, I didn’t care about Twitter or think it meant anything real. I still don’t, but now I’m like, expanding my horizons. Basically I’m grown and sexy. I’ma retire that handle. I really just want my new handle to be @nicolejames. But I’ve already asked that lady and she will not play ball with me. Also...
Apr 2nd
26 notes
Apr 2nd
317 notes
March 2013
Me when I’m commuting with a suitcase: “Oh my God everyone is such a dick, no one holds the door for me, everyone is so rude, help meeeeeeee” Me when I’m commuting without a suitcase: “Oh my God why does every asshole have a suitcase today, get out of the way, like, at least act like you know your giant suitcase is taking up the room of an entire person, what a...
Mar 28th
26 notes
Mar 28th
11 notes
Mar 26th
24 notes
ListenListen
Mar 25th
6 notes
ListenListen
Mar 23rd
5 notes
1 tag
Mar 23rd
5 notes
Mar 22nd
23 notes
Mar 20th
6 notes
Best thing I overheard from a middle aged woman on...
“Lace panties?! SHE’S GOT TO BE OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND!”
Mar 20th
18 notes
Mar 20th
9 notes